December 11, 2014

When You're Feeling Down

I mentioned in my post yesterday about how emotional I've been feeling lately. I'm sure it is just related to pregnancy, but oh boy, is it hard to deal with being okay one minute to miserable, angry, or depressed the next.

I don't like sharing negative thoughts or being a debbie downer on the blog, but I have the need to get this out, on virtual "paper" in case anyone else is feeling this way too. There are so many bloggers who are pregnant right now and I love reading how everyone is doing- I'm sure this post will be welcome too.

To be perfectly honest, I'm a mess. I feel all out of sorts, rarely like myself most days. I'm cranky, irritable, sad, and lonely- mostly because my husband's schedule has been crazy for the past few weeks. He's also been sick constantly, just like Miss A, so when he is home, he's recuperating from work and can't seem to get better before getting sick again. I'm losing sympathy, as much as I hate to admit it and I probably sound really selfish (I feel very selfish), I just want him to get better so I can escape to my room, shut the door, and read the pile of magazines I've been accumulating. I need a Mommy break.

I always knew residency was going to be hard, but oh my god, it is a different ball game while pregnant and taking care of a toddler all day. I know I'm not "alone", I know I'm not a single parent, yet I feel that way most days. I feel like everything is always weighing on my shoulders. The stupid things, that shouldn't matter, like taking care of the house, get to me when I see clutter strewn all about, clothes that have been sitting in the laundry basket for days waiting to be put away. Figuring out what to make for dinner every night because I feel guilty if it's not something wholesome and healthy.

I know this is not forever and that this "season" of our lives will pass. We will get through this. I can't wait to meet our little boy and see Miss A in her role of big sister. I know she's going to be amazing and so helpful. She already loves babies. The aftermath freaks me out too- taking care of two, on my own, most of the time. Let's pray I don't lose my sanity!

I can't end this post on such a sad note, so I'll tell you a bit about our day. We had our playgroup Christmas party today and decorated cookies, made ornaments, and exchanged gifts with our Secret Santa's. I love, love that we're at an age that Miss A is excited about ALL these things. She was like an old pro tearing into her present, Christmas is going to be SO much fun I can't hardly stand the wait. These distractions are exactly what I need, thank goodness for mom friends who are going through similar situations- three of us are pregnant right now.




If you've stuck with me, thanks for reading. I hope to not post depressing thoughts again for a long time.

2 comments:

  1. I have no good advice other than to say I can relate to so much of what you said here. I'm not pregnant but I feel you on the ups and downs of doing things solo. My stressor is the house we're building on top of all the other things I have to do - mostly alone. It's exhausting in a way that ppl with hubbies who have "normal" jobs just don't get. You're not selfish for wanting mom time - we all need a break. I hope your hubby gets over being sick soon so you have a little mom break before the final rush of the holidays.

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  2. Girl, you are NOT alone! Sometimes I think we are absolutely crazy for going forward with having kids during residency. But B's orthopedic residency is 5 years long (UGH) and there was no way we were putting it off for that long, so we are going for it. But it is TOUGH! We may not technically be single moms, but let me tell you, with the hours are husbands work, we basically are. We have to do everything ourselves, and that gets old and tiring very fast. I have also struggled a lot more with this pregnancy than I ever did with Caleb. I am much more hormonal, tired, achy, and just plain out of sorts.And there are definitely times almost every day where I just wish I could sit down with a book and be by myself for a while. So I completely understand how you feel:)

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