I mentioned in my post yesterday about how emotional I've been feeling lately. I'm sure it is just related to pregnancy, but oh boy, is it hard to deal with being okay one minute to miserable, angry, or depressed the next.
I don't like sharing negative thoughts or being a debbie downer on the blog, but I have the need to get this out, on virtual "paper" in case anyone else is feeling this way too. There are so many bloggers who are pregnant right now and I love reading how everyone is doing- I'm sure this post will be welcome too.
To be perfectly honest, I'm a mess. I feel all out of sorts, rarely like myself most days. I'm cranky, irritable, sad, and lonely- mostly because my husband's schedule has been crazy for the past few weeks. He's also been sick constantly, just like Miss A, so when he is home, he's recuperating from work and can't seem to get better before getting sick again. I'm losing sympathy, as much as I hate to admit it and I probably sound really selfish (I feel very selfish), I just want him to get better so I can escape to my room, shut the door, and read the pile of magazines I've been accumulating. I need a Mommy break.
I always knew residency was going to be hard, but oh my god, it is a different ball game while pregnant and taking care of a toddler all day. I know I'm not "alone", I know I'm not a single parent, yet I feel that way most days. I feel like everything is always weighing on my shoulders. The stupid things, that shouldn't matter, like taking care of the house, get to me when I see clutter strewn all about, clothes that have been sitting in the laundry basket for days waiting to be put away. Figuring out what to make for dinner every night because I feel guilty if it's not something wholesome and healthy.
I know this is not forever and that this "season" of our lives will pass. We will get through this. I can't wait to meet our little boy and see Miss A in her role of big sister. I know she's going to be amazing and so helpful. She already loves babies. The aftermath freaks me out too- taking care of two, on my own, most of the time. Let's pray I don't lose my sanity!
I can't end this post on such a sad note, so I'll tell you a bit about our day. We had our playgroup Christmas party today and decorated cookies, made ornaments, and exchanged gifts with our Secret Santa's. I love, love that we're at an age that Miss A is excited about ALL these things. She was like an old pro tearing into her present, Christmas is going to be SO much fun I can't hardly stand the wait. These distractions are exactly what I need, thank goodness for mom friends who are going through similar situations- three of us are pregnant right now.
If you've stuck with me, thanks for reading. I hope to not post depressing thoughts again for a long time.