May 22, 2014

Dealing with Mommy Guilt

Every Thursday a group of bloggers are linking up for One Year and Beyond, a series that's all about toddlers and the struggles we may face raising them. I liked today's topic: mom guilt.


As women, I feel like we are constantly beating ourselves up over something. Spending too much money...at Target. Not spending enough time with your husband. Not spending enough time on yourself. Not being there for your kids. I hate that annoying, nagging feeling I get every time I say, "no" or "hold on" or "just one more minute" when I'm trying to finish up something. A chore, getting dressed, washing the dishes, talking on the phone...whatever it is, we all do it, more often than we'd like to admit.
 

 As a SAHM, what do I have to feel guilty about? I'm there every day to get up with Miss A in the morning, make her breakfast, take her to the park, on play dates, to give her a bath, and tuck her in at night. It's the best job I could have ever asked for.

But everyday is not a walk in the park. And that makes me feel guilty. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this "job", there is nothing else I'd rather be doing than staying at home with my girl. However, just like with any job, there are plenty of days I want to rip my hair out. Like when she dropped an entire container of yogurt on the floor, at a restaurant, after refusing everything else to eat. And when she has a tantrum in the middle of that restaurant because she's "all done". When everything you suggest is answered with a quick "NO." Those are the days I want to escape, retreat on the deck with an iced cold drink and sit, by myself, with a stack of magazines.


I feel guilty when I compare other children sitting quietly at the table or playing happily at the park. I feel guilty when I put her in a time-out when I know she needs it and guilt about the fact that we aren't keeping up with discipline. I'm guilty of not making sure she's had her share of veggies for the day or giving her crackers and goldfish while we're out because I know that's the only way to keep her occupied. I feel guilty when I ask my husband to be with her so I can do some stuff on my own. I'm also guilty of counting down the minutes to bed time after a hard day and when I want to go back in there to tell her how much I love her just one more time. Luckily, those are the only times I feel guilty. I do my best to be there for her whenever she needs me, to get down on the floor with her and play, to stop what I'm doing (most of the time) to let her grab my hand and lead me away, to enjoy those sloppy kisses and tight hugs. It will all be over so quick, I want to soak up as much as I can now.


Yet, I've always struggled with guilt. From leaving my family, raising Miss A away from her grandparents, missing out on holidays and other events, letting people down. It's a feeling I hate and a feeling I hope I can spare Miss A in the future. Whatever she wants to do, whoever she want to be, I will be there and support her. She is my number one priority, along with any other kids we may have in the future. I love being a Mom.

What are some ways you feel guilty? How do you deal with it?

8 comments:

  1. When did you start time outs? I need to,....but haven't got there just yet!

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  2. LOVED YOUR POST!!! SO ME RIGHT NOW!!!! Everything you said is on point for me... As for How I deal with it... I'm not sure HOW TO!!! LoL.. I will be waiting and watching for other's to comment on your post... Thank you for being so open and honest.... :-)

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  3. I think we all experience this, I don't think there's any cure for it. We just need to do the best we can and remember to these kids we are the best moms. They don't hold us under the magnifying glass that we hold ourselves into. Being a mom is a hard job and from the looks of it, you're doing a great job :)

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  4. Such a great post! I do the same thing - compare waverly to other kids who are sitting quietly! She never is that kid, haha!!! But at the end if the day, I remind myself to embrace her "spirited" personality!!! :)

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  5. Great post! I think my biggest mommy guilt is about being home and being "productive." I still live by my to-do list too much worrying about laundry, errands, cooking, etc. I need to remember to just play more (we try every day) :)

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  6. I too suffer from guilt from many of the reasons you listed. I spend practically every moment with my girls but yet I feel guilty when I go do a girls dinner and then try to hurry home. Its ridiculous, but its only because we care and are trying to be everything to everyone.

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  7. Great post Christina! I've been feeling the same way lately - especially since the "terrible twos" are in full force right now. I am so guilty of comparing to other children - like when every other mama gets wonderful pictures of their kiddos and when I go to take a picture mine screams her head off because she wants the phone taking the pictures! That's the hard part about the "web world" - everybody seems to have it down perfect and I feel like I'm struggling just to keep mine from eating crayons or torturing the cats! It's always nice to know you're not alone :)

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  8. Beautiful photos! You girls are stunnnnnning!!
    There is ALWAYS something to feel guilty about.... always! Once I feel the initial guilt start to set in, I quickly dismiss it and move on to happier thoughts. If I let it soak in too long, the guilt will eat me up and I won't be able to get my head out of it. But I look at Mia and realize that she doesn't even notice the reasons I'm feeling guilty, so I do my best to not let it get the best of me! It's much easier said than done on most days... but she reminds me to view the world through her eyes and that helps so much!

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