As women, I feel like we are constantly beating ourselves up over something. Spending too much money...
But everyday is not a walk in the park. And that makes me feel guilty. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for this "job", there is nothing else I'd rather be doing than staying at home with my girl. However, just like with any job, there are plenty of days I want to rip my hair out. Like when she dropped an entire container of yogurt on the floor, at a restaurant, after refusing everything else to eat. And when she has a tantrum in the middle of that restaurant because she's "all done". When everything you suggest is answered with a quick "NO." Those are the days I want to escape, retreat on the deck with an iced cold drink and sit, by myself, with a stack of magazines.
I feel guilty when I compare other children sitting quietly at the table or playing happily at the park. I feel guilty when I put her in a time-out when I know she needs it and guilt about the fact that we aren't keeping up with discipline. I'm guilty of not making sure she's had her share of veggies for the day or giving her crackers and goldfish while we're out because I know that's the only way to keep her occupied. I feel guilty when I ask my husband to be with her so I can do some stuff on my own. I'm also guilty of counting down the minutes to bed time after a hard day and when I want to go back in there to tell her how much I love her just one more time. Luckily, those are the only times I feel guilty. I do my best to be there for her whenever she needs me, to get down on the floor with her and play, to stop what I'm doing (most of the time) to let her grab my hand and lead me away, to enjoy those sloppy kisses and tight hugs. It will all be over so quick, I want to soak up as much as I can now.
Yet, I've always struggled with guilt. From leaving my family, raising Miss A away from her grandparents, missing out on holidays and other events, letting people down. It's a feeling I hate and a feeling I hope I can spare Miss A in the future. Whatever she wants to do, whoever she want to be, I will be there and support her. She is my number one priority, along with any other kids we may have in the future. I love being a Mom.
What are some ways you feel guilty? How do you deal with it?